Kudumbathu Kutthu Vilakku - KKV (lamp stand) Indian women (KKV wannabes) and why it is not applicable in today’s age

A KKV wife is the dream of every macha who goes to Bangkok brothel for his stag party. KKV is the ideal Indian wife material who has all the attributes of the woman described in Padayappa, in short, ‘Saathvigam’.

Up to now, everyone exalts the term kutthu vilakku being associated with women but when asked for the significance, no one has the answer. When KK asked for the meaning to a guy who said kutthu vilakku has a wonderful meaning, the answer we got was ‘what’s the point explaining about kutthu vilakku to theru vilakku?’ Theru vilaku means street whore and in this context, women only get 2 options, to be a KKV or a theru vilakku and therein lies the problem.

The definition of kutthu vilakku being associated with women however, is this, this explanation was given by our reader Kuhen Shanmugam and we thank him for that:

It is said that goddess Raja Rajeswari resides in the lamp- she represents the combined form of durga, lakshmi and saraswathi. The philosophy of the lamp is profound. We light away lamp to drive away sadness and welcome happiness, acquire knowledge and drive away happiness. The bottom portion of the lamp represents Lord Brahma. The middle pipe :Lord venkateswara portion where ghee/oil is filled and where the wick settles : Lord Shiva. The 5 faces of the lamp denotes the qualities that a woman should posses: Affection-Intelligence-Resoluteness-Patience and caution. This is why women are usually advised to light 'kuthu vilakku' and pray for the wellbeing of the family, which in turn has become a norm for everyone to associate them with the 'kuthu vilakku' without knowing the significance of the lamp itself.

Yet, associating women with kutthu vilakku is somewhat outdated, creates hypocrisy on behalf of women, unrealistic expectations and stereotypes women so it suffices to say that the connection is defunct. Comparing women with an object is disrespectful because women are people with free will. It maybe figurative but to say ponnu na kutthu vilakku maari irukanum, theru vilakku maari irukakudathu (a woman should be like home lamp stand and not a road lamp post) is not only insulting but suggests that only women who confine themselves within the 4 walls of their home are good, those women who go out are not. Let me refresh your minds - that is what exactly Mukesh Singh, Jyoti Singh Pandey’s rapist and murderer said.

Also, expecting the 5 qualities in women while expecting nothing from men, is classic pombele pombeleya irukanum (a woman should be like a woman) shit. Those qualities should be gender neutral, not something only women should possess in order to be considered ‘good’.

Now, let’s come to the hypocrisy - since no one really knows what the term KKV accounts for, it is encapsulated as homely and innocent. Hence girls who want to fit into the ideal either distance themselves from liberal tenets or put on masks - double lives that girls are forced to lead because if they don't society will label them as 'bad. Look how being honest and open is made a non chosen option due to Indian society expectations. If women just tear off the mask they wear for society and come clean, "Look, this is who I am. Don't judge me sordidly because of the choices I make in life. I have my own story which is not yours to judge,” and many women do it enough, the society will change and women can be more free and mostly honest. It's about being honest and normalizing taboos. If I may give you another example, menstruation . Instead of saying stomach upset, just come clean that it's periods. It's about upholding honesty which is the best policy and make society understand that women are people who shouldn’t be shamed for making choices in life..

You may expect like how a KKV lights up a house, you expect a wife to lighten up your house. Nowadays, electric lights light houses up, not kutthu vilakku. Ladies are not kutthu vilakku or theru vilakku - don't objectify women. It;s not wrong to expect but giving light does not lie upon the women of the family only, it lays with every member in the family. Everyone needs to play a role in a family if the family is to radiate harmonic glow, not just women.

So, please, don’t force Indian ladies to act just because they need to suit the society’s perception of a KKV. and, don’t insult women as theru vilaku. If you insist on theru vilakku then even the sun is theru vilaku, it’s light sustains life on earth - that’s what women do too and you compare them as theru vilakku and kutthu villaku when by right, no such comparison is warranted. Also, girls who party make good wives too. Women can be hedonistic and homely at once. They can be anything they want and be open about it - girls can party and still be homely. The thing is, girls should always exude truth rather than acting all innocent. Being truthful is the highest virtue. Acting traditional or modern for that matter to fit in brands is something no one should be forced to do. Being comfortable and in peace with yourself is paramount.