Teach our boys right

This Deepavali/Diwali left me a lasting impression. My nephew's chitti (aunt) came over to our house to receive some Diwali delicacies. His mother was upstairs, my mom and I were talking to the guest and my nephew brought her a drink. He's just seven. We, the ladies, were gobsmacked by the kid's deed. When we asked him why did he do it, his reply was eye opening, "When guests come, we must serve them drinks. Mom, grandma and aunties all do it so I did too."

What can be observed from here is that we, as humans, don't come with gender based manual attached saying a vagina should be so and so and a penis should be so and so. We all come with aptitudes that are gender blind.

When boys cry, show fear or show a liking for Barbie dolls and cooking sets rather than HotWheels and Transformers, don't impose the ideals on how a man should be and how dolls and cooking are only for girls.

As evidenced by my nephew's gesture, no one knows inherently what they are supposed to do and not supposed to do as per gender - it's indoctrinated upon them and it's wholly unnatural. Watch the video below of men saying how they were conditioned, from as young as 3 years old to be 'men'.



Pay attention to what the men in the video said - none of them are instinctively violent or think of women as lowly and inferior. It was programmed into them by the patriarchal society which sets a mould for men to fit in. And, just to fit into the idea of 'being a man', these men went against humanity. I request you, please, please watch the video. It explains why our machas slash each other over a stare, why pages like Anti Senju Uderan Kes  and Actress Meme Mania exist, why men and also women like to shame women and why the Indian males in our society are so violent. It all boils down to how we are brought up, patriarchal culture and exacerbated by Tamil films where if there is an outspoken woman, the hero would subdue her, citing how a woman should be.

It's all very simple - monkey see, monkey do. I have many nephews and I see them as young boys, when they see their mothers and aunts sweep, do the dishes and laundry, they too will do em all although ineffective. They only stop doing all that when told boys shouldn't do all that, it's girls' department. Even my mother says to my nephew that as a boy, he shouldn't be afraid of cockroaches and other insects. I reprimand her always when she says that. If you want to tell the kid not to be afraid, just tell him not to be afraid, don't tell him boys shouldn't be afraid. Fear is an instinct present in humans - it's not something only girls should have. Also shyness, one of my nephews is a very shy boy and he's often told, "Yean pombele mari vekke padure?" (Why are you shy like a girl?) It's so wrong.

By saying to boys, "Don't cry like a girl, don't be afraid like a girl, don't be shy like a girl," we are telling them that girls are inferior and when girls are bold, boys think that girls shouldn't be so. Hence, girls are harassed into submission, be put in their inferior place. It all boils down to how boys are brought up. They think they should control girls by hook or crook and if girls won't bow down, violence can be used. Think of the PD slash incident, the JB twin murder case, Delhi gang rape case and look at the screenshot below. I call this toxic masculinity because it benefits no one. The girls are not the only victims, where are the boys now? In prison. This is what our great Indian culture does. Still proud of it?

I won't fault the Rudhra guy or the Kannammaa Purushan guy. They were most probably brought up being told that girls should always be below men. For the record, the Kannammaa Purushan guy had been harassing us on our Facebook page, asking us to come home and do service for him. This is just another result of patriarchal culture, putting outspoken and bold women in their inferior thus rightful place. For them, household chores are inferior and a woman's job. We all should do what Icelandic women did in 1975 - walk out of jobs and home roles when their plea for equal wages fell on deaf ears. The men could barely cope without the women. Today, gender discrimination is illegal in Iceland. Women should show inaction at both home and work to make men realize their importance perhaps and not taken for granted.

If women don't be insurgent, no good will come to them. There is only statue for the rebel Kannagi, not for the docile Sita.

These 3 men in the video below showed what manhood means, Manhood isn't defined by side-stepping, beating and slapping women - it's defined by loving women and men as their partners in humanity and as fellow humans. A society devoid of love can never be peaceful and progressive; it's bound to be ruthless and violent. We can learn a lot from the 3 men in the video.

It's time we teach our boys right. It's also high time we teach our girls right that no one is inferior or superior to each other. Teach love and let live, boy or girl. Teach how to be affectionate, honest, truthful and let them be in the grey shades of gender fluidity, not black and white gender roles and stereotype.