Indian women – meeting societal’s expectation as nalla ponnu

For generations, most Indian women have lived with the same old – growing up, reaching puberty, learning household chores, getting married and managing family. This cycle still continues today with women incorporating one new aspect-education which then ends with marriage and managing her family. Basically, the changes that have taken place are insignificant because although educated, Indian women still succumb to domestic problems such as marriage, dowry, abuse and challenges in pursuing their ambitions. Their roles have not changed and were curbed under the name of marriage. After marriage, they are still expected to prioritize their family while skills, talents, hobbies, personal interests and friends are placed in the backburner. This is what my dance teacher calls "oru sarasari Indian girl ode valkai" (a common life of an Indian girl). Then, she asked me - do you want to be just another Indian girl or an outstanding one? That actually made me think a lot on how many Indian girls out there actually just wanted to be a common girl with a common life.

Every Indian woman is expected to completely lose her identity of 20 years and take up a brand, new identity that supports her husband and her in laws. They are expected to live for their husband and family alone. Although there is a small group of Indian women whom have managed to retain their identity after marriage, the same can’t be said for others. I have come across of friends who yearn to pursue their personal interests or hobbies but couldn’t due to being married and not getting any support from their husband and family members. Why are we still succumbing towards society’s expectations in living our own life? Indian women’s biggest challenge is their attitude of continuously seeking for validation from the society for anything and everything they do. Typical examples of Indian women seeking validation and approval from the society:

-          Samaike terile, nee lam oru pombele? (you can’t cook & you call yourself a woman?)

-     Vithu vele terile, nee lam oru pombele? (you can’t do household chores & you call yourself a woman?)

-          Purushan ku mariyathai kuduke terile, nee lam oru pombele? (you don’t respect your husband & you call yourself a woman?)

-        Purushan pechi kekka terile, nee lam oru pombele? (can’t listen to your husband & you call yourself a woman?)

-       Purushan ne santhosama vechike terile, nee lam oru pombele? (can’t keep your husband happy & you call yourself a woman?)

Most Indian women will live up to these expectations so that the society will approve and accept them as nalla ponnu (good ladies). They feel proud to be able to meet society’s expectations without realizing that they are placing themselves at the continuous approval and validation of the society. Then, they raise their daughters and granddaughters and any other girls that they come into contact with in the same way – to listen to societal expectations to earn that ‘nalla ponnu’ title.  It is time to do what you think is right instead of doing the same thing for generations. If you want to pursue your ambitions, career, skills or talents – go ahead. If the society calls you selfish and not fit to be a good wife – so be it. You do not have to succumb to what they expect you to be. Where there is a will, there is a way. Better be the woman you have always wanted to be than to regret later on – yennakum eppadi oru aasai irunthuchi (I had those dreams once too…..). Don’t say thala vidhi (fate) …fate is when you surrender without any efforts to change your life.