Why Indian Mother-in-law - Indian Daughter-in-law conflicts happen

In Aval Appadithan, Thyagu (Rajini) says that women should not be independent but dependent on men – as a child and maiden, dependent on father, as a married woman dependent on husband and as an old lady, dependent on son.

You have no idea how problematic this notion is for both men and women especially ladies being dependent on sons. There are still fathers and mothers who wouldn’t allow daughters to enjoy as much freedom, in education and job scope as they do sons. Husbands that won’t teach their wife driving lest she goes to her parents’ home on her own, forbidding her from going to work, thus rendering her financially dependent and keep her confined at home, limiting her world to her husband, children, family and home. No exposure.

And when it comes to sons, it comes to the worst. I cringed when I saw the mothers in Neeya Naana getting so emotional about their son opting for separate living with his wife ( I felt a twinge – you can’t let go of sons but you can let go of your daughters? But, I realized that this is the Indian conditioning as per the dialogue in Aval Appadithan.) Now, if the mothers are financially independent, have exposure, have a world bigger than husband, children, home and family, able to get what they need by themselves, have friends, have their own life and preoccupations and their own identity and achievements (by achievement, I don’t mean having a son) they won’t cling to sons and see their Daughter-in-law as the enemy who had come to steal their son. They will see how important it is for their DIL to be financially independent, see the world from her POV more easily, how important it is for their son to build his own empire with his wife, to have wings of his own and not want him to be under their armpit always yet have enough love and care that are sustainable and mutual.

So, fathers and mothers, educate your daughters to the point of getting job as you do sons. Husbands, be enablers to your wives. If they were raised dependent, you make them independent. Teach them driving. Support them in higher education continuation and going for job. Keep drilling them, give them tough love, “Ippadi makka irukatha. Gettikaari ah iru!” If your wife’s job requires her to travel, don’t cite children and shit, don’t discourage her, motivate her – when you need to go outstation, your wife doesn’t cite children and shit. Realize that your children, especially sons, are not your foolproof retirement plan.

And see the magic happen in our society.