PPD and the Abusive Tendencies of Indian Mothers

I heard about Thulasi, the 22 years old woman who physically abused her 2 years old child.

Currently, Tamil men are trashing women and feminism due to this case. These guys were nowhere to be seen when news of fathers raping their own daughters and the recent case where a girl’s grandfather raped her came out; when she went to her uncle to complain, the uncle also raped her. Then she went to seek help from her cousin and he raped her too. Tamil men were awfully quiet then. They didn’t even ask, “Did your dad rape you?”

Thulasi was married at 17. Technically, she underwent child marriage. That itself is a crime in the first place. Rightfully, her husband, her parents and in-laws should be arrested along with her.

These guys have no idea about post-partum depression. Neither do they understand burnout, helplessness, nor the yearn for a more fulfilling life of women who are married off young.

My own friends with kids, in their mid-20s and 30s have been diagnosed with PPD. Even my sister had it. Their husbands offer 0 support and 0 understanding. Thulasi may have PPD – she needs a psychological assessment and counseling along with her husband, with both sets of families in the loop.

Women take out their anger on their husbands, in-laws, helplessness and trauma by abusing their helpless children – my mom did the same. Due to her anger of being the 2^nd wife and helplessness, she had beaten my elder sister brutally, until she peed in her pants. Then she was beaten for wetting her pants. I got it from my mom as well when we were living with my half-sister as unwelcome family members. I was beaten for every red cross in my homework. I was told that if I kept on being stupid in school, I will be a beggar when I grow up. I was locked outside all night in the rain after being beaten by a hose pipe. I developed high fever and the doctor who examined me enquired me about the bruises on my body. Then, she warned my mom to stop abusing me or she’ll report to the police.

My mom suffered from extended PPD that stemmed from her circumstance. When she and I moved out and went to live away from our immediate family in a rented room, (I was 12), she abruptly stopped abusing me. This was because she acquired independence, could live on her own terms, making and saving money and had the ambitions to buy a house and wasn’t answerable to anyone. These days, she stops my half-brother and sister from abusing their children.

This is why I always say, if a woman isn’t happy, contented, loves herself, she can’t be a good mother. But this society glorifies “mothers' sacrifice.” Toxic femininity is imposed in the name of motherhood – sacrifice everything for your children, stay with an abusive husband for the sake of children, don’t remarry and live for your children. Basically, our society tells women to lose themselves for their children. It’s not fair. Mothers don’t need your glorification. They need your help, respect, and support.

Up till now, we are only exploiting mothers. This Tulasi came out because of a video. Like my mom, sister, and friends, tonnes of women out there are abusive towards their children. Until we relieve Indian mothers' undue burden, acknowledge their human needs, support the treatment of PPD, not pressure women to have kids, this will continue in society.