A Message for Indian men Who Want to Have Premarital Sex and not End Up in Jail

This meme by Scoop Whoop triggered a lot of Indian men. They are saying that a woman should not be able to recant her consent once the clothes are off and the two people are lying on the bed. 

 

Many of the men also say that when women date men, have consensual sex under the promise of marriage from the men and he says “No” to marriage after all that and then gets jailed for saying “No.” Why the no from the men isn’t honoured they ask.

 

It’s due to the patriarchy that men like these guys espouse. Why is marriage promised by Indian men to have sex with the women they date? Do Indians saying that women should save their virginity for their husbands ring a bell? You want to f*ck but your girl coyly says, “Chi, all these after marriage only.” To convince her, you promise marriage. So, when you backtrack, you are entrapped by law that adheres to #mairuculture.

 

Indian courts use cultural norms when forming laws and judgment – women who stop their husbands from looking after their parents/ask for a separate living can be divorced. In the same way, the courts say that breaching the promise of marriage after sex is rape. Who do you think egg these women to file such cases? Their male family members only – I rather my sis/daughter be called a rape victim rather than a squirrel bored coconut. Coz family honour resides in our vaginas.

 

Many Indian men indulge in relationships to sexually exploiting their GFs and easily escape to settle down with a so-called virgin girl in an arranged marriage. They blame caste, religion and family to easily cut ties off a partner they have been in a relationship with for years. And you dare to blame women – I blame patriarchal women though!

 

The men here asking about the laws regarding sex under the pretext marriage being called rape if the men say no after having sex...

It’s not feminism that prompted such laws. It’s patriarchy. You give expiry dates to women. You slut-shame women who had premarital sex. You shame female divorcees. You spread a white bedsheet for the first night and check for blood the night after. You call women who have been in a relationship “used goods.” You express fear if you end up marrying a girl who had been in relationships. Memes symbolizing vaginas with gaping holes due to premarital sex. You demand an untouched rose. You upbraid women who use menstrual cups, tampons, fingers, vibrators, etc. And then you cry that it is feminism that’s screwing you when it is feminism that’s trying to undo all these stigmas. If the feministic efforts become pervasive, Indian men and women can have as much premarital sex they want, with the correct information, respecting boundaries and consent and by making their intent clear from the outset.

It’s your own hypocrisy and patriarchal mindset that’s f*cking your ass, dear Indian men. This is the result of you men giving so much importance to “female virginity”, the hymen, and objectifying women’s bodies. “If women aren’t free, men can’t be free.” This is the best example. You restrict and shame women for something you want so badly from women = sex. Now reap the fruit of your double standards – if you are in jail for this, ponder hard about this hypocrisy of yours. If you want to have premarital sex without having to go to jail, have a paradigm shift.

Get to the root. If you see men slut-shaming women who are sexually active, call them out. Whatever women put or allow other men to put into their vaginas is their business. Women are not objects. We are humans and humans don’t spoil when touched too much by other humans.

Create a culture where casual sex doesn’t end up making you a felon. For that, you need to give up your culture, have sex education stop sanctifying marriage, and demonising premarital sex. Are you prepared for it?

Yes, marriage is daunting; and I can understand men chickening out. In the same way, sex is daunting and can make women and men chicken out – kindly read about premature ejaculation, vaginismus, anxiety, and freezing. If you love your partner or even as a human with basic empathy, you wouldn’t want to hurt your partner or a sex worker.

It’s pathetic that Indian men think that sex and marriage are the same things. Lol, coz for these guys, marriage means men having full access to women’s bodies anytime – no consent required. The concept of consent threatens the fundamentals of how Indian men perceive marriage – license to fuck, whether she likes/wants/consents to it or not and that is why these guys are so mad about consent.

If she says no in the middle of the act, ask her what's wrong, does she want to talk about it, cuddle, calm her down, say love u, ask her if she needs anything... Sex is a journey, not a destination.

 

Po, karumandrathe.