Daughter in Laws (DIL) and Mother in Laws (MIL) – Give it a rest will you, MIL?

There is nothing like eavesdropping into the topics discussed by a group of aunties who meet up when they go groceries shopping. An aunty was sharing with her best friends on how her DIL has moved out to another house and is no longer living with them. She was complaining that her DIL has a loud mouth and is continuously arguing with her. She even said – ‘aval kudumbethe pirichitha (she divided the family). I personally think any MIL who has this mentality is extremely stupid to think that her DIL has divided the family just because she has moved out to another house. It is the 21st century and you should be proud of your DIL and son having their own house. How long do you want to keep your son under your armpit? Orang melayu cakap – duk bawah ketiak mak.

First of all, you marry your son off because you know you won’t be around to take care of him for the rest of his life. So, once he is married off, please know your limits and do not try to micromanage his life. He has a wife to do that now. Competing with your DIL to show that you can take care of him better after marriage just defeats the purpose of marrying him off. Okay, here are some things that you must avoid competing with your DIL.

a) Expecting her to know everything the moment she steps into your house
- Your DIL is new to your house, your style of doing things, the people and environment in your house. So, stop pointing out her mistakes and give her some time to catch up. After all, you have been down that road before. Don’t make fun of her if she doesn’t know how to cook. If she can get a higher degree and position in a company, she can definitely learn cooking in no time. You just need to keep your trap shut and stop that self-praise you give yourself all the time. ‘Nangge lam ellame kathukuthu than kalyanam pannikitom. (We learnt everything before we got married). Yeah, but you are not in the high ranking position in an organization like your DIL.

b) Pointing out things that are irrelevant and insignificant
- Your DIL dries her laundry and you re-hang the entire laundry while scolding her on the style of hanging clothes that she practices. Hello, the sun shines 360 degrees and clothes will dry no matter how you hang them. Don’t put up a petty argument on how to hang clothes to dry with your DIL. Some aunties will say – it must be hanged nicely so that when people look at your laundry – they will see how beautiful it is hanged. Excuse me, maybe in the estates, people had time admiring laundry done by others. Today, no one stops and looks at your laundry unless he/she is a pervert who is looking to steal clothes, bra and panties. So, jgn perasan much and your DIL has much better things to do then to spend much time on hanging clothes.

c) Being envious of the electronic equipment that she purchases.
- Yes, yes you have went through difficulties but you don’t have to rub it on others. Remember, times are changing and technology is superseding so your DIL doesn’t have to go through what you went through. ‘Nanggelam ammi kal le masala araichi samaipom’ (We use mortar pestle and grinding stone to prepare masala for cooking). What do you expect? Your DIL to wake up 4 am in the morning to grind masala before she goes to work at 7 am? Be reasonable.

d) Comparing how she treats her husband with how you treat your husband
- You hear your DIL calling out her husband (your son) with his name and you quickly admonish her for that. ‘Purushane peru uttu kupude kudathu. Nanggelam purushen peru kude sollamatum’ (Must not call husband by his name; we will never even say our husband’s name). Hello, how your DIL calls her husband is not your problem. Tak payah sibuk (don’t be busy body). She can even call him – erume maadu (buffalo) or panni kutty (piglet) and as long as he has no objections to it – you as MIL keep out of it. If your son serves himself during lunch and dinner, again you keep out of it. Your son is not handicap or OKU and he is capable of serving himself. You don’t have to call out your DIL and ask her to serve. If she eats without waiting for him, then let her be. Her stomach is not shared with your son. Don’t enforce her with any rules that you have been following since you got married. If she can decide for an organization with hundreds of people working under her instructions, you don’t have to tell her what to do.
As much as you as MIL would love to poke your nose in your son’s married life, we will advise you to keep your nose to yourself. Remember, there is a reason why you wanted your son to be married off in the first place. So, keep your council to yourself and don’t butt in to create a war with your DIL.

- Rocking Roja - #OnlyAtKK