Feelings and meenachis and machas

Growing up in an Indian environment which is infused with culture, tradition, ‘munnoru’ (elders’) wise words and advices will reveal to you a stark contradiction on how a man’s feelings and a woman’s feelings were treated differently. In fact, being an Indian woman in an Indian household, many meenachis may have been told to keep their emotions and feelings to themselves. They were not allowed to freely express their emotions and even in the odd case that they do, these meenachis were insulted, humiliated or seen as uncultured – literally asked ‘pombeleya ivve’ (is she a woman?).

Let’s start with what happens when a macha gets dumped by a girl or cheated by a girl? You will see his parents and relatives literally mollycoddling him – avan oru nalla paiyan, ave yemathitha (he is such an angel, she cheated him). ‘Eppadi than avalukku manasu vanthucho avane vithuthu poge’ (How did she have the heart to dump him?) Basically, the macha will be portrayed as some innocent soul who is devoid of any mistakes in the relationship. He can be an alcoholic, a chain smoker, an abusive guy or downright irresponsible – but what counts is the fact that he has been dumped and that meenachi is totally blamed for it. If macha ends up boozing, everyone goes – ‘avan manasu vali, athan kudikuran) (His heart is aching, that’s why he is drinking). In fact, the same family members and relatives will quickly try to match make him with a better meenachi. Meenachi gets dumped by macha – ival yemathuntha (she got cheated). ‘Ivalukku arivu engge pochi, eppadi anthe mari yemantha? (She is brainless, how did she get herself cheated?) Parents will tell the meenachi to shut up and forget about it. She is expected to behave as usual and parents will match her up with any random machas, even if that macha is lesser qualified than her.

The same situation applies when couples get divorced – it will be ‘ippo ulle pengal lam divorce le kuriya irukangge’ (women today are keen on getting divorce). But no one wants to listen or take note that the reason why a meenachi applied for divorce is because she is married to a good for nothing, unemployed parasite who prefers to sit back and let his wife do all the hard work. Nobody cares that he is a possessive f***ck who continuously gives her mental torture on whom she meets, talks and works with. The Indian society will go – ‘Ambele na appadithan irupan, namma than poruthu ponnum’ (A man is like that, we must compromise and tolerate). Nobody even asks her what transpired – the Indian society takes it at face value that the meenachi must be guilty.

Some ‘uutha vai” (vile mouth) Indian aunties even say ‘pudikile na, kalyanam minnuke sollironum, kalyanamthuku approm divorce ketta eppadi?’ (if don’t like, must inform before marriage, how can she ask for divorce after marriage?). See, these idiot aunties don’t understand that problem occurs only after marriage. A woman will only get to know the true color of a man after marriage – his attitude, behaviour and worst character. She is expected to put up with all that lifelong simply because she has agreed to enter into a married relationship with him. When a macha files for divorce, the same aunties go – aval serile, olangga kudumbam nadathu terile, eppome vele vele nu iruka, pavam avan (she is not a good homemaker, always with her career, pity him). Aval oru sandega pudicha pombele- sada avane santhegam paduva. (She is always suspicious of him) WTF? See, how double standard the Indian society treats a macha and a meenachi in the same position?

If a macha cheats on his wife, the Indian society goes ‘avalukku purushane santhosa paduthu terile (she doesn’t know how to satisfy her husband). When a meenachi cheats on her husband with another man, the Indian society goes ‘iva lam oru the***ya pombele, ippadi arippu eduthu alairuya, appadi enna ennoru ambele kekuthu? (she’s a slut, what’s with the itch to be with another man?) So, a man can have carnal desires outside his marriage vows but a woman should never have carnal desires? Both are human beings with hormones, feelings and sexual desires. Why one gets full liberty to do what he wants while she has to put up with unsatisfactory sex life? The meenachi will be told to appreciate her husband for his other traits and never complain about the defect that he has. How long is the society going to repress or ignore a woman’s feelings in the name of ‘pombele na adakam udakam venum?’ (a woman must be primp and proper).