Indian parents and how to do ‘the talk’ with their teen kids

Premarital sex and other love related problems are rampant among Malaysian Indian teens. This scenario is because Indian parents don’t do ‘the talk’ with them.

I gave several real life cases that I saw in the previous article. Let me tell you that hadn’t my mom did ‘the talk’ with me, I too may have accepted proposals from boys who’se jatti (underwear) is sponsored by their parents.

Since many parents don’t have no idea how to start, I will give protips. Yet, these are not what my mother told me - she told me to ignore those attraction to the opposite sex feelings and that my only duty is to study. Kids these days are too advanced to be talked at like that - we need a revised approach. First of all, parents, open your mind for a bit coz this is gonna be factual, not the schmaltzy maanam, gauravam (dignity, honor) shit.

Well, first of all, you need to make it known to your children that you are going to provide for them well up to they are 23 and sometimes further than that in case of sons, in joint family where the son duk bawah ketiak mak bapak - we’re not like westerners who kick their children out of the house after they turn 18. We have puttira paasam ( son attachment) issues. Tell your children that from the house they live in to the jatti they wear are sponsored by you and that you work hard to provide for them. Most Indian parents don’t do this - kononnya children shouldn’t know hardship. Trust me telling your children how hard you work to sustain them is the first step of ‘the talk’ and the first awareness and appreciation from your children. Many Indian elderly parents are abandoned in old folks’ homes because the parents don’t tell how they toil to provide for their kids, or worse, conceal it in the name of paasam. This talk can be talked from the age of 3. Tell them you provide for them because you love them and that you know what’s best for them, not hide your travails from your kids because you love them - the latter is a big mistake many Indian parents do.

As your kids near puberty, tell them that they will feel attraction to the opposite sex in this age and it’s not wrong but natural and due to hormones secretion surge. Make it known to them that they don’t feel the attraction because the boy is capable to take care of your daughter or the girl is good at at cooking - all of them go to school and are students who need their mother to iron their school uniform and do their hair for school, to whichever gender that applies. Tell them it’s the work of surging hormones, not outpouring love. After that, it’s up to you whether to allow your kids to couple up, provided that they inform you and introduce the girl/boy to you or tell them that studies come first and the only purpose in life now is to study. But it’s important to have this version of ‘the talk’ with your kids starting from the age of 11 up to when they hit 20. ‘The talk’ should be constant and updated, the firmness relaxed as the child grows because you can’t deal with a 12 year old and a 18 year old in the same way.

If you have internet connection at home then you need to get Internet savvy to keep up with your children. Instead of giving each kid a PC, have a common desktop in the living room. Be friends with your kids on every social media. If they protest, just disable internet connection - you need to act like a parent when it’s necessary. Kids as young as 8 are watching BDSM porn and masturbating - don’t think your child won’t. You have to play your role here on informing your kids on the birds and bees or risk them learning all about sex in misguiding channels and friends. Check Internet browsing history frequently and direct your children to correctly informative websites that says everything about sex to nether regions hygiene - Scarletteen is a good choice. Your kids should learn that sex is a huge responsibility, and has consequences that are both scary and your kids, not ready to shoulder - porn doesn’t teach all that. Every Indian parent and their kids should watch the movie Mom At Sixteen. If only it’s made into a Tamil movie but no. We hail from the land of Kama Sutra but we’re prudish when it comes to talking about sex, even the biological details. Aunties were condemning the pad scene in Naanum Rowdy Dhaan. Aunty, oh aunty - if you have a teen daughter, chances are, she’s having sex and you’re priggish about a dad getting his daughter pads in a Tamil movie.

And, when we have Tamil movies, (where love is an integral ingredient) crazy grown ups who are teachers and parents, how do you expect your kids not to follow the same trend? When we have grownups getting mad at us for using Rajini’s Baasha still to create a meme then realize how deep the problem gets if you don’t ground your kids earlier on - these kids are the ones who profess true love at 13 and runaway from home to get married. These hormonal schoolkids will think of themselves as Moonu Dhanush and Sruthi Hassan when you watch together with them without having ‘the talk’ with them. The talk means telling your teen kids that whatever they see in movies are acted out - every single scene. Also, the love concept showed in Tamil movies are exceptionally flawed - they show sexual harassment as virtues of love. It’s important to tell your daughters to immediately tell you if any macha follows and invades her personal space. As for sons, tell them not to stalk and harass girls. If they want to approach a girl, just say ‘Hi” and start talking decently.

And, until you’re done with ‘the talk’ with your teen kids, ideally when they’re 18, do not get them a smartphone. There are all kinds of shite that can be done using smartphone by teens provided ‘the talk’ not done by parents like recording sex acts with their bf/gf and showing it to friends that they’ve done it hence they’re ‘grown up’ now. Also, revenge porn. Tech is being more misused than used by youngsters. ‘The talk’ doesn’t only rescue your teen daughters from being victimised, it also prevents your sons from being total jerks. Yes, they’re your children and they are as vulnerable as they are capable and they need you to navigate them.

Very, very few Indian parents do ‘the talk’ with their kids, beating head and stomach and oppari vekkeran (weep bitterly) when their teen daughter comes home shagged = pregnant or elopes with some loafer. As a parent, you have the power to sculpt your kids. Sculpt them properly or they’ll end up being not only an embarrassment but a huge loss for societal developments. In the next article, I’ll write on how upbringing plays its role in gangsterism in our community.