Living together/separate with husband’s parents should be a choice, not a cultural imposition.

 

KK’s post on the Indian logic of saying separating a married man from his parents is cruelty but separating a married woman from her parents is tradition has been grossly misunderstood. Many people thought it’s a business of an eye for an eye so the allusion we present is that married men should be separated from his parents just like a married woman is.

And then, there are quarters who say

“And the girls getting married are quite aware that they have to leave their parents home but making his husband to leave them is cruelty and if girls have a feeling that leaving their parents home is cruelty #STAY at your place . #DONT_GET_MARRIED”

Questioning any tradition is not wrong and it doesn't matter how old it is...This is a reaction to the court's remark on the case...While the judgement is correct due to the behaviour of the woman, the court should not have given a gender biased statement...A couple should mutually decide where they wanna stay and court should not make any suggestion...Living separately from both parents is an option but children of both gender has a duty to take care of their parents - this is not women being dependent. This is women being independent and asking for the chance to be so. This is not women running away from responsibility. This is women being responsible. This is not women separating their husband from his parents. This is women wanting to build a life with the man she married while also taking care of her parents.

I'd support nuclear families where both husband and wife can take care of their respective families and build their own life. It’s the cliched adage that men are stronger than women but if that is so, why can’t men leave their parents after their marriage just like a married woman does? I repeat, it’s not tit for tat but it’s a way to build a life one can sustain on their own. Even nature disallows offspring from growing too near at their parent - seeds of trees have different mechanisms to go as far as possible from their parent plant - didn’t we all learn about it in science? Animals too chase away their offspring when the babies reach a certain age.

Yet, what sets humans apart in this context is gratitude we have to our parents, particularly, Indians and mind you, not only sons feel indebted to their parents for raising and educating them. Daughters too feel indebted to their parents who educated and raised them. These days, women earn too so is wanting to give back to their parents after marriage a bad thing?

Also, aged parents need sustenance from both their sons and daughters not extra work in the name of babysitting. The aged parents should be allowed to rest in their gloaming days, not run behind rambunctious grandkids. Many Indians use their mother as their unpaid servant. Now, this is cruelty. Your kids are your responsibility, not your parents’.

Above all, all of these boil down to individual preferences and choices. If a couple wants to stay with the husband’s family ie joint family, it’s ok. If they want to go separate house, ok. If a couple keeps the wife’s and husband’s sets of parents in one house that is also ok. If a married man stays with his wife’s family, double ok. All of it are based on needs and the facilitation of life. Don’t be so hung up on tradition and society’s norms. Live your life as per your convenience and don’t let rigid culture and social norms dictate your life because at the end of the day, culture & society isn’t going to help you when you face problems.

~Sarcastic Sarossa~ #OnlyAtKK