Parents worrying about their 28 over unmarried daughters - why they should not

Marriages are made in heaven they say but in reality, marriages are made in an obligation to parents and society. And unmarried meenachis above 28 or single are having it hard just because they don’t have a macha, any macha in their life. 

Usually, these meenachis are considered to be a burden to their parents and a cause for sorrow. Compounded by nosy relatives who do gratuitous mama vele (marriage broker job), everywhere these unmarried meenachis turn, there will be something or someone rubbing in their unmarried status.

And so, these people push, fret and coerce these meenachis to settle down. Now, they also expect the meenachis’ expectations’ in their partner to dwindle as their age increase - they have the gall to match make meenachis studying PhD to a SPM dropout who has no idea what PhD stands for. For them, the ultimate achievement of a girl is marriage even though she is averse of the idea or uninclined to marry. Hence, any Kuppan or Suppan would do. And if a meenachi, who is well educated and earning is married to an incompatible man, she is the one who is expected to suit his shortcomings and insecurities. He won’t understand what his wife had studied and her correlated job and give her the due credit. Instead, he tries to bridle his wife and when the meenachi complains, the society that pressured her into marriage will turn a deaf ear and a blind eye, citing that it’s the meenachi’s problem.

Indeed, it’s the meenachis’ problem if she’s unmarried - and they know how to deal with it - uncle, aunty, society, don’t be so busybody. For parents, your unmarried daughter is not a liability or burden that should be chased away to live with a man and his family - she’s an asset, especially if you have given her all the opportunities to educate herself and she having an augmenting career. Don’t be depressed if your well educated, and well earning daughter is unmarried; be proud because she is standing on her own two feet and is doing well in other aspects.

It’s our parents’ mindsets that need reformation - my cousin sisters returned from abroad and their mother was matchmaking someone and her daughters rebuked their mother of doing ‘mama vele’. We had a hearty laugh but if one looks at this closely, rebuking our parents for doing unsolicited marriage broker job is warranted because our parents are the uncles, aunty and society.

And, parents have to understand that the vaala vetti (spinster) notion which is directly proportional to a daughter being unmarried isn’t applicable in this age. Meenachis nowadays have a lot to live for and marriage is not mandatory but an option. Whenever a relative or society ask, why you haven’t married your daughter off or how long more you would let her study, tell them, “I am proud of my daughter and her accomplishments. Her dreams and ambitions complete her. It’s okay if she is married. It is also okay if she is not married. Let her choose the life she wants. Let her live the way she wants, not the way I, you and the society’s wants.”