Rape is not about sex - it’s about power struggle

In Indian culture, rape is said to be prompted by the way a woman dresses. We at KK have been trying to change such a mindset since inception, that rape isn’t about sex - it’s about the powerful victimizing the weak. It doesn’t matter how much sex a man had, a violator would violate. In this culture of intimidation, entitlement and power are normalised for a man.

Actually why dressing is blamed for rape is not due to lust inducement - it’s about putting a woman in the dress men think is correct for her, mostly, covered. But women in burqa are also raped. Ironically, in countries where women always dress scantily, rapes are almost non existent but in countries that tell women to cover up, rape is rampant. This is due to the difference in culture - while men in the former countries know that a woman should be able to dress as she likes and that to invade her personal space is wrong, the men in the latter countries feel the urge to tell women how to dress or pay the price for not adhering - so as you can see, it is not about sex, it’s about who is having power over who, in this case, men having power over women. When women have power over men, rape happens as well - in the US, female teachers coerce/manipulate their male students into having sex with them - you can Google, there are so many of such cases. Also, in India, female gender favouring laws are being used by women to incriminate men in false rape and dowry cases because they have the power.

If it’s not dress, it is something else a girl shouldn’t be doing according to men - Jyoti Singh Pandey was raped not because she was scantily clad but because she was out late at night with a male friend - that was what her rapist testified. Her rapists saw it fit that since she was out at night in the company of a guy, she should be put in her place so they assaulted her. In his interview in prison, Mukesh Singh said “a good girl won’t be out at night, wearing the wrong clothes, doing the wrong things - if a girl does all that, I will rape her.” He also said that a girl shouldn’t fight when being raped - she should be silent and allow the rape. And he was impenitent about what he did because our culture has long appointed men as the regulator of women. And he just played the regulator role - he wanted to put Jyoti in her place, exert his power on her and teach her a lesson that if she dares to step outside at night this is what will befall her. It’s not about sex - it’s about power struggle.

A sexual assaulter chooses the most timid victims - a girl that is fearful and cowering, one that won’t raise an alarm when groped. If a girl exudes confidence no matter what she wears, men wouldn’t dare to touch her. And, yet, in our culture, women being strident in both speech and conduct is frowned upon - submissive is the most valuable trait of a woman as far as our society is concerned. Be anything other than submissive and men gang up to show women their place, to adakuran them (to subdue them) If a woman won’t crumble to the pressure, she is called - thimuru pudichave adangave matra, adanga pidari, bajari. In Indian movies such women are shown to be subdued/corrected/turned around by men so is it surprising that the average Indian male thinks that an outspoken Indian woman needs to be silenced by hook or crook?

Also, a woman has no right to say no to a man’s advances - if she says no, then she pays with threats, acid attacks or her life. And our culture, perpetuates this man over woman power struggle and fears if it is changed. It fears that if women are given too much freedom, it will harm them when it is the harm that should not be created. Don’t tell women what to wear if they don’t want to be raped - tell men that a woman’s exposed skin is not an invitation to rape. Don’t tell women to stay at home if they want to be safe - create a safe environment for women and men for that matter. Don’t tell a woman that she should be silent - know that as a human she has an opinion that deserves to be heard. Don’t tell women how to live, fucking let them live.

~Pattu Mamee~ #OnlyAtKK