Nude pics sharing - is it girls being unscrupulous or is it patriarchy which causes the shaming phenomenon?
While many admired her bravery, many too blamed her for being frivolous, naive, stupid and asking for trouble for going nude online. The comment below stands out:
"Why go nude for anyone? Be it your boyfriend or husband or whatever? I think it's way better and smarter to spend personal time with your lover and do whatever the heck you want instead of filming yourself in front of the camera, knowing how troublesome internet has become. I salute her for standing up for herself but the cause of this stupid situation she got herself into in the first place can't be ignored. I'm pretty certain that a few minutes of visual treat can be compromised when a girl's respect and safety is on the stake. One should learn to say "NO" to all these stupid requests from their so called "lover". Love is not about all this."
And, therein lies the problem = victim blaming. Sharing nude pics with consent online is not a problem. If people want to do it it's their business and it's not our business to interfere. Who are we to say what love is, what lovers should do, whether or not they should send nudes?
If a girl sends her nudes to someone online, at a guy's demand, immaterial of him being her lover or not (now you'll again start to defile the girl's character but won't let a squeak on the guy who asked/forced/demanded for nudes. His lasciviosness goes unreprimanded and even excused as 'natural'. But what the girl did at his initiation/behest is not only unnatural but also unethical.) after much reassurance of protection, provided she wants to please the guy. If you ask me, asking and sending nudes is not an issue - it becomes an issue when it gets leaked into the public.
It's like how you watching porn is not an issue. But when someone exposes your porn indulgence, it becomes an issue and all the sinful people will try their best to be sinless.
The problem is not what such girls did. The problem is what is being done to them by the guys that they trusted. Surely the guys would have promised to delete the pics immediately or keep it in the deepest corners of their hard disc (these guys are perfectly aware of our patriarchal culture) but whether they keep such promises is another thing. And the blame goes entirely to girls as though they have soothsaying powers that can see the imminent future.
You know what causes this? It's our patruarchal culture that loves not only to police women but also shame and blame them for everything, exonerating the wanton acts of guys.
"It's because there is a huge cloud that brings in the nebulous factor on the propriety of a Woman's actions, quick enough to try and subvert them into justifying them as sources of imminent troubles that she encounters. Patriarchal Pansies!"
I hear you saying that women should be careful about what they share online. But how careful can they be to avoid problems? Salem Vinupriya's pics were altered and she committed suicide. In this case, there is no such thing as girls not being careful. Indians should learn the difference between accidents and wanton acts of defamation. An accident happens unintentionally - defamation is done intentionally to harm the reputation of someone. What happened to Vinupriya is not an accident - someone wanted to mortify her - INTENTIONAL ALL THE WAY.If it may give you respite, this phenomenon of girl shaming isn't limited to Indians; it's rife in the so called liberal and progressive west as well, even vandi pages.
“I wonder how anyone can be so fierce, how to rage against a girl who has not done anything wrong.
“I think that they should be ashamed of all those who have filled the web of insults and meanwhile secretly watched the images.” - Tiziana Cantone's friend who commented after Tiziana Cantone's suicide after her ex bf circulated intimate footage of herself online.
Here's a video of Amanda Todd on her story of torment that led her to suicide:
Some people can be so cruel and disgusting - ask yourself if you are one, if you have ever commented negatively over a girl's trust which had been breached. You'd get a straight ticket to heaven if you do that?
If a guy wants to defame a girl, all he needs are pics and footages of her and Photoshop or Windows Movie Maker. Then release his sleight of hand in Whatsapp, WeChat groups, post online and the Indian society will take care of the rest.
Many girls reportedly committed suicide due to the mortification they are subjected to by these kind of acts. But, no one cares - in fact, it's hailed that the girls have enough honor to not live after shamed like that. This only gives leeway to more men to continue to use this Indian precepts to satisfy their sick intentions - no one bothers, 'boys will be boys' We Indians pride ourselves as teaching civilization to the world and to have built the world's first university. Is this civil behavior and intellectualism?
Asking girls to be careful and not post their pics, nude or not online takes away from the issue at hand. This is not just about the violation of privacy - its about women being criminally objectified and shamed. It's time to stand up to misogyny. Stop blaming the victim and reverse the shame. The shame is on the men who ask such pics, promise trust and later misuse them. What is private should stay private in this issue. The act of bringing it to public fore and have the whole society trashing the girls and guys asking for female information isn't something one can proudly tell to the world. To be completely fair, even girls can misuse this precepts to get back at girls they dislike for personal reasons - so you can see that it's not limited to boys; it's only limited to cruel intentions.
Here's a video of teens saying what they think of such bullies who shame girls vis a vis Amanda Todd's suicide:
If I am to put it simply, guys, you cannot tell the world proudly that you asked nude pics of a girl. Girls, you cannot tell the world proudly that you sent your nudes. What you can't tell the world proudly cannot be a right thing to do. Ironically, no one condemns the guys who circulate such pics with the intent to harm, all the upbraid goes to the girl. To people who choose to do that, you too can't tell the world proudly of your diatribe. But, there's a thing called PRIVACY. So, in this case, being careful on behalf of girls is never the issue. Conscience, trust and personal deeds are the only involved aspects. Indian society, if you want to be just and stop this phenomenon of girl shaming then you need to reverse the shame. Shame the guys for publicizing something that is personal and based on trust. Don't pay attention, don't share those footage and don't harass the girl. You clearly know that all of it is done without the consent of the girl - before being a man, be a human being that has compassion and respects the non-consent of others. Reverse the shame and break the circle. Make it known that men who do such things won't get away with it. Then, this will hop aboard stoppage and lives and potential like Amanda Todd and Vinupriya will be saved.
Ultimately, we as a society should stop meddling in the lives of others. This kehpochi, politically correct attitude, bullying and moral policing of women when they are the victims needs to stop ASAP.
Also, girls should be bold and expose their tormentor and shame him to no ends, just like how that Indian girl did. #ReverseTheShame
~Pattu Mamee~ #OnlyAtKK
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