Aswini Mohan's Murder and Tamil Boys Justifying it

Case excerpt: Ashwini Mohan was slashed to death by a guy, Alagesan in front of her college in Chennai in broad daylight. The duo were in a relationship and at one point, Ashwini wanted out. He didn't agree to her decision and stalked her for months The perp had also tied a thali on Ashwini's neck - without her consent. He declared her his wife. All that culminated in Alagesan slitting Ashwini's throat. Read detailed story here. 

Well, just on 8th March 2018, 2 Malaysian Indian guys chopped a woman and there were many Malaysian Indians be like, "There must be a strong reason why the guys acted like that," male, female, no bar. They were justifying the guys' violence, blaming the woman, that somehow she must have triggered the guys to do such a thing. And, it's no difference for Ashwini Mohan's case too.

Some media portals are reporting that Alagesan is Swati's husband because he tied thali on her neck, forcibly. To hell with thali sentiments. It's just a string denoting 'possession' and when tied without consent, it's even more worthless. India Glitz Tamil even had the nerve to put the headlines, Ashwini Azhagesan. The f... Did they register their marriage? No. So why say Ashwini Azhagesan? Ashwini was a college going girl with goals. She certainly was not into marriage. TOI and India Glitz should've respected that fact and not attempt to sensationalise a person's death. 

And then, #NotAllMen gang descended. "Not all men are like that. Some respect girls." We know that all men are not like that but that understanding is not a solution. Not All Men goshti koovitu dha irukku, penngalukku ethiraaga vanmurai nadanthukitte dha irukku! Because, you are excusing these criminals. What you are implying is, Not All Men so, we don't need to talk about the men who do these crimes, we don't have to get to the root or make a solution, because not all men. By saying not all men, you are being a passive apologist to men who do crimes against women. That's why Swati happened and today we lost Ashwini too!

We got guys alleging that Ashwini apparently 'cheated' on Azhagesan by walking out on him after being in a relationship with him and using his money. So, we can't blame him alone - the girl is at fault too for 'cheating' him and giving him financial losses and unbearable heartache that drove him to murder her. They are also asking, "So, it's ok if the guy commits suicide?" Are you out of your mind? Suicide is equal to murder? So you're justifying murder because otherwise he'd have committed suicide? If the guy suicides for love failure, that is his stupidity. Either he has to sort out the problem with her, or move on. Who gave him the right to kill? A girl is already dead here. And, you're worrying about a guy who obviously isn't clear-headed, speculating on what if he kills himself? Suicide over breakup is stupidity, not a mark of true love. So is murder.

Walking out from a relationship for any reason at all isn't cheating and nothing justifies murder. You think we girls don't go through breakup or have not been used - money, body, emotions, time? In actuality, girls face the double whammy - heartache + society's judgmental vitriol. What, what do you speak of girls who have had relationships that didn't work out? In some cases, guys wash their hands off after impregnating girls - any girl slashed/splashed acid/burned alive/stabbed any guy who left them in such a damning state? No matter the pain and society and guys' jaundiced views, we soldier on. If everyone who went through love failure killed their ex, there won't be anyone alive in the world.

Yes, we understand men's heartache and pain of love failure because we go through it too. When it's a girl who was left by her boyfriend, no matter the cause - he had used her for sex then dumped her, used her for money then dumped her, made her pregnant then fled, society, men and women fault her only. "Oh, she should have seen the signs. Who asked her to sleep with him? She should have waited until marriage! She's stupid to have trusted him so much - he's a boyfriend, not yet husband so why did she share her body and money with him? Men will ask for sex, it's girls who should say no because at the end of the day, if a girl agrees, it's her life that spoils. She should have been wiser." The only comfort we can get is from our female friends - sometimes they too are judgmental. If we drink to forget our sorrow, that too gets condemned -feminism gets redefined - feminism isn't about doing all the wrongs men do. KK has went to no end to say that a girl's life doesn't spoil if she's raped/had premarital sex. It's time to tell guys that their life don't spoil if you had love failures or your money used. You will find love again and earn back the money if only you don't dwell on entitlement.

To know the bluff of Tamil cinema and the subterfuge of our culture, watch this Viyugam talk by Dr Shalini. Every Tamil guy should watch this and learn about nature of men and women and how cinema and patriarchal culture affect men and women.

Many of the guys who were saying that it's not entirely Azhagesan's fault but Ashwini's too for 'cheating' on him, were recounting their own love failure experiences - how it hurt like hell. I have news for you. Girl go through the exact torturous, hellish, excruciating pain that numbs hunger and gives a perpetual lump in the throat. But no girl ever slashed her ex despite girls having more to lose thanks to our patriarchal society and skewed cinematic liberties. Learn to swallow the pain. And, no, don't say drinking is the last gift your gf gave you. She didn't shove the bottle up your mouth. You did. Be responsible for your own actions. Yes, the pain feels like the life in you had been pulled out. Reinstall the pulled out life. Watch Ted Talks that are motivational, inspiring and educative. Plant something. Get a pet. Volunteer. Take long walks/drive.ride. Talk to random strangers. Time will heal you. Most definitely, you will find love again. The only sensible things our Tamil cinema has given us on this topic is Trisha Illana Nayanthara quote and Raja Rani movie.  

These guys need to understand that by saying that the girl is at fault too, you are implying that it's warranted that Azhagesan did what he did. Yes, you may say, "I am not saying that murder is right but you cannot blame the guy entirely - she is to blame too," but you are still excusing him. This kind of excusing is why we lost Ashwini after Swati. Don't. Else, someone you know, care about and love might become a statistic or lose his entire life for one moment of hastiness and stupidity. Jeevitha Rose is my good friend's sister's daughter. He messaged me incessantly to post on this case on KK - even called me from Qatar to explain in detail on what happened to his niece. I think, for our guys, only when a blood related female family member of theirs is the victim do they realise that they can't blame the victim.

And, it's not only Ashwini that lost her life. Azhagesan lost his too. For once, encourage our young people to make smart decisions and bust the bluff Tamil cinema serves us on a deceptive platter.