Why it's not advisable for girls to be mothers way too early

My neighbour girl has 2 kids. The eldest girl child is bright – she’s 6 but she is yet to be enrolled in kindergarten. The 2^nd one, a boy, is cute but he has speech problems – he’s garrulous and very sociable but one can’t understand a thing he says. He’s hyperactive and shows symptoms of ADHD. Their mother is 23 years old. She had the girl when she was 16 and the boy at 17. It was love in high school. The father of the children has left both the girl and his children.

She’s the youngest daughter for her parents and yes, she lives with her parents, her mother mostly takes care of her kids. Her eldest sister is unmarried, her 2 elder brothers are unmarried and her 2 other elder sisters are married. They all live in a different city and a different residential area. It’s routine for me to hear the 23 year old girl’s mother screaming her lungs out, demanding the girl to bathe her children and do the housework. The girl prefers to talk on the phone for hours on end, go to work as a domestic help and spend her salary on food and niceties for herself and talk to whomever is willing to listen. She has a boyfriend (a guy who’s saying he’ll marry her). She behaves exactly like how a 23 year old girl of this era behaves.

My mother says that the girl is irresponsible. That she won’t put her daughter in kindergarten or even teach her alphabets and numbers at home and find out how to fix her son's disability. That she won’t save money for her kids. That she is itchy, looking for another guy. That she won’t take care of her kids and instead expects her aged mother to do it. That she eats too much chicken nuggets. I told my mom, “Well, what do you expect? She had kids at 16 and 17. She didn’t complete her high school education. She didn’t have a chance to mature mentally and some guy impregnated her, focusing only on her physical maturity. She sees girls her age daily and they are not carrying babies in their arms, tying their mouths and stomachs and going to daycare centers. They are carrying totes, dining at KFC and Starbucks, having nightly parties, dating, talking on the phone for indefinite times. The girls are living for themselves. And it’s rightfully so. All that girl is doing is doing the things she missed on because she had babies too early. And, you only incriminate the girl as irresponsible. You don’t say a thing against her kids’ father. He’s allowed to be irresponsible – he not caring for his kids and hooking up with other girls is ok. She does the same and you chew my ear on how abhorrent the girl is. Now, I am not supporting the girl. I am just laying down the facts and your convenient hypocrisy.”

This is why I am against early marriage/motherhood for girls, from 16 – 25 years of age because girls need to live for themselves first. And, so many guys get outraged when I say this. They launch on their half baked natal expertise, “Do you know what complications arise when childbirth occurs after 25? Marrying at 25 doesn’t ensure immediate pregnancy – it may take 3 – 5 years and by then the risk is higher!” These instant male only doctors seem completely oblivious to medical advancement. They don’t know what is mucus plug or lochia but they talk as if they have given birth and raised 20 kids. Well, think about the kind of future my neighbour girl’s kids’ have in store – she gave birth at 16. It’s not very optimistic. Why? It’s because their mother isn’t fully equipped to be a parent. When it’s said that girls mature faster than boys, it’s only in physical aspect - the mental maturity aspect is shoved to girls by society so that they can be irresponsible but get lambasted for it in ways boys don't get lambasted because boys will be boys. To be a parent, one needs to be not only mentally tuned in but also knowledgeable. My neighbour girl doesn’t understand what hyperactivity and speech therapy are. She doesn’t know how to Google. She doesn’t even have internet connection.

Mostly, when a girl becomes a mother too early, she misses out on living for herself. She won’t get the gratification of fulfilling her due life's wishes because let’s face it, motherhood is very demanding. If that’s not enough, you have people judging you of being a bad mother if you do things for yourself. Kareena Kapoor hit the gym after giving birth to Taimur and people were accusing her of being a bad mom for leaving her son. The same mouths will talk about the baby fat on her if she didn’t hit the gym. But the point is, becoming a mother at a physically ‘ideal’ age doesn’t guarantee an ideal life for the child. As a mother, a woman needs to be informed enough to know what her child needs. She needs to know what books she should get her child that are age and learning appropriate, what food her child needs, etc. Notice developmental milestones and detect anomalies. She should be able to empower her children. She needs to have a strong financial, living standards and EQ backup. She should have resources.  All of that only come with exposure, job going, acquired knowledge (I never gave birth before but I know everything about childbirth) and maturity in line with age progression, even having a husband/partner is secondary. Having kids too early also can make girls fall in depression. It’s not good for them and definitely not good for the child. Instead of only seeing the biological aspect, see the mental preparedness aspect, today’s society’s progression aspect in a foremost way. Then, you’ll have a generation of quality kids who can impact the society positively rather than many kids who are disempowered because their parents, specifically mothers are wanting in many aspects.

One fine example is Jacinda Ardern, the New Zealand PM who had a baby girl, her first child, in July 2018 at 37 years old. Imagine what a wonderful life the baby girl will have. And she owes it to her mother having her at an age and position where she can do everything and anything to ensure that she gets the best in life.

P/S: NO UTERUS. NO OPINION. YOU DON’T BLEED EVERY MONTH. YOU DON’T ENDURE CHILDBIRTH PAIN. YOU DON’T GET WHAT GIRLS LOSE WHEN THEY BECOME MOTHERS WHEN THEY ARE NOT READY.  SO STFU. This is dedicated to the men who told me that women should start having kids by 25.