A married Indian woman doesn’t ‘belong’ to her husband and in-laws only

Once an Indian woman is married off, there’s a parting ritual where the newly married meenachi and her family would weep, hugging each other and say their farewells. The girl may just live in the same city as her parents or even the same neighbourhood and yet, this sad ritual unfolds. It’s because the daughter is ‘given away’ to her husband and his family.

Alright, women aren’t things to be ‘given away by marriage’. They have their freedom, likes, dislikes and rights that they should be allowed to exercise. Some Indian husbands and in-laws need to understand that.

A married meenachi, especially if she lives in a joint family, can’t visit her parents and siblings whenever she feels like it even if they live in the same town, separated by a few kilometers. She will have to ask permission from husband and in-laws, particularly mother-in-law and inform about it 2 days before. She’d have to bear the comments and subtle dislike that spew from her in laws - eppo paaru amma veetukku pora, veetle evelo vele irukku, ipdi adikadiku amma veetuku ponum na, ethukku kalyanam, pesama amma veetleye iruka vendithane (Always going to mother’s house, not caring about work at home, if always want to go to mother’s house, why get married, can stay as a spinster in mother’s house only what.) Same goes to siblings - if a married meenachi goes to see her siblings in university or go for their graduation or simply visit during holidays, the stomachs of her in-laws will burn and the love the meenachi has for her siblings will be downgraded - enemo ivalku mattum than akka thanggachi, annan thambi irukura maari ille scene podra! (She’s putting scene as though she’s the only one has siblings)

Some in-laws don’t like/allow the DIL spending any penny she earned for her mother’s family. They have the impression that once she is married off, whatever she earns goes to them - a skewed form of dowry this. The husband will either be incited to not let his wife pitch in financially to any members of her mother’s family or a plain and clear restriction will be imposed that lending a financial hand for her mother’s family is out of question.

Also, if a married meenachi’s father/mother has an appointment with a doctor or is unwell, her in-laws won’t like it if she takes them to the appointment or take care of them. But, if any of her in-laws is ill, it’s her responsibility to chauffeur them to the hospital and take care of them. But they she shouldn’t do it for the people without which she won’t be here. She is not let to show her love, gratitude to the people who raised and took care of her since birth. She has to just forget their existence just because she’s married.

But, a married Indian guy can live with his mothers and siblings all his life, his entire salary going to help his family members. He can be with his family but his wife needs to calculate every move if she wants to spend time with the people who brought her up so that she can marry someone and do service for his family.

A married Indian woman has responsibilities that she needs to fulfill for her family that raised her. Just because she’s married, it doesn’t mean she should sever routine ties with her family. Give her the leeway and freedom to visit and help her family because just like how you love your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, she loves hers as well. No more, no less.