Shame in Indian culture prevents wrongdoings - how true is that? (Part 2)

The claim that we have shame and the western counterpart is laissez faire means shame helps shape a civil society, afraid of doing wrongdoings. Now, how does shame help shape a civil society? The westerners live by human rights and basic decency - they don't touch a woman without her consent no matter if she's in burqa or bikini. They respect individual rights.

Shame is afraid of doing something wrong - why I've got plenty of proof that shame never stopped people from doing wrong. It only encourages more wrong - because of shame, baby dumping happens - not in our community but in our country. In those western countries, they may not have the same sense of shame but they don't kill innocent life in the name of shame while we do that! Sweden PM Stefan Lovfen and Apple products mastermind Steve Jobs are born out of wedlock and raised by adopted parents. The most religious, conservative countries have the most porn traffic - whom are we kidding here? In the guise of shame more shameful things are being done beneath the veil of shame! People in those countries, at least they're not hypocritical - they call a spade a spade.

Now let’s come to clothing of women that machas love to have a go at. First of all, clothes are a product of human evolution - it ain't driven by shame. Human wore clothes to protect themselves from the elements after losing the evolutionary bodily hair. Fashion and modesty came much, much later. Nope, covering up is not a hallmark of civilization - it's an idea like fashion. Yes, modesty is an idea, not a tenet of civil society. What constitutes a civil society is respecting individual rights. Bikini and swimsuit is the dress to go swimming but when Indian girls wear that by the beach, they're shamed. Meenachis are shamed in vandi pages and their nude images are shared in Whatsapp. No one ever maligns the perpetrators who use shame pinned on women to their advantage. No one ever holds those responsible for the revenge porn circulation culpable. No one cares about these girls who are permanently scarred due to the shame engendered by this culture - NO ONE CARES IF THESE GIRLS COMMIT SUICIDE. NO ONE. In the virtue of shaming, a wonderful word is coined - Vandi. Yes, this is what the shame in our culture does - shame girls to the point of no return. But, even the western society has revenge porn and it works in the same way - Amanda Todd committed suicide due to revenge porn - hers is a story told, untold stories are thousands, girls taking their own lives due to this shame. We too have pleaded girls not to ever share their nude pics online because we can’t fight this shame system and change it overnight. That’s why we are saying that shame never prevents wrongdoings - it oppresses one party, evokes draconian rules and creates disparity.

We’ve heard many machas say - adakkam udakkama dress panle na rape nadantha aangale blame panna kudathu. (if never dress modestly, don’t blame men for rape) This type of mentality is lesser in the west. They believe that if men can dress as they please so can women and if rape happens it’s the rapist’s wanton act that is at fault, not the victim’s dressing or the victim being out. Our culture of shame blames the victim and endorses benevolent sexism. Our culture implies it’s okay for rape to happen as long as shame prevails. It sounds sick and I mean shame in rape, it’s not only for women rape victims, male rape victims don’t come out because of shame as well - the fallacious belief that males are strong and if they allow themselves to be violated then they’re emasculated. Males need to put up a false brave front and not show that they’re vulnerable because it’s girly due to this very shame.

You talk about olukkam (morality) Olukkam should be the same for everyone not biased by gender- in our culture, Indian girls buying liquor makes headlines, boys drinking and fighting is a normal thing. Above all apparently olukkam can be measured by the dress of a girl. If the olukkam of a girl who gave her nude pics to her bf at his persistence is nonexistent, then it is only fair to say the guy’s olukkam for asking the girl’s nude pics, him showing those pics at his friends and after breakup, circulating those pics online is also nonexistent. Olukkam dress le iruke kudathu, mind le irukanum. (Morality shouldn’t lie in dress, it should lie in the mind) What's the point of being olukkam externally when internally one's mind is full of prurient filth? Everything lies in the mindset, not in dressing.

So, it can be concluded that a culture that works by shaming never prevents any wrongdoings but exacerbates things. Culture that respects individual rights and pins one responsible for their own acts regardless of gender and without gender stereotype with a clear common sense in line with civility and evolves is the best culture.