Why married meenachis should have their own personal time

Almost always, once an Indian woman gets married, her whole life suddenly revolves around her husband and his family. Her world suddenly gets cut off from friends, time for herself and to indulge in hobbies. If she dares to suggest that she needs time and space for herself, to do stuff that she likes, stuff that she did when she was single, stuff that nourishes her being, stuff that completes herself, she’s met with disapproving mien and statements - athan kalyanam aachi ille, aperom enna friends vendi kidakku? (you’re now married so why do you still want to keep friends?) But, the husband can travel from one state to another to meet his kindergarten ex classmate. If she says she wants to go out with friends, it’s ‘go out with your husband.’ but, her husband can go out with his friends to booze and come home in ungodly hours. I can go on and on about this but let me clarify why married meenachis should have time for themselves.

Feel good about accomplishing something for personal gratification
Before an Indian woman is a wife, daughter-in-law, sis-in-law and mother, she’s an individual with individual likes and aspirations which are obviously not cared for and worst, dismissed just because she’s married. She may have a passion in sports or is outdoorsy but just because she is now married, expecting her to swallow all her likes and purge it, is very cruel.

2. She can function better
The belief that once an Indian woman is married, her function should only revolve around her new family, is utterly selfish. There’s a thing called burnout and as a person prone to stress a married meenachi could use a break from doing everything that is expected from her. As a man, he can go out on Sunday, on his own but his wife should stay at home and cook koli kari so that ada la koli kari for family ini malam. Taking turns will solve this – one Sunday, let the wife go out on her own and let the husband do what are needed at home. The roles can be reversed the next Sunday or every other alternate day. Unwinding will make one function better at home, her work and her married life.

3. She needs friends in life
Friends make life brighter and better and as social animals friends are necessary. Every relation in life has a distinct value and friendship is inclusive. Married Indian women should also have friends and go out with them. Friends provide another outlet where self enrichment happens. Having friends and hanging out with them gives a pleasure that’s incomparable. Expecting a married meenachis to cut contact with all her friends while her husband can keep all of his friends is a dehumanizing thing to do.

4. She needs a hobby/interest/passion
All of us need some time to do what we like - it keeps us sane. A married meenachi needs a hobby too and time to pamper herself. These hobbies can range from mountain hiking, running marathons or going for dance classes (zumba/bellet/samba/traditional dance) or learning martial arts (combat/teakwando). It can be going to beauty parlors, gardening, traveling or reading a book. Do not put a bridle on what hobbies she should have just because she’s married. If she wants to go go backpacking, jungle trekking, let her - don’t use the ‘athan kalyanam aachu le, pesame veetle iruka vendithane’ (she’s married so she should quietly stay at home)

People are diverse. Respect that and don’t put sexist impositions to a meenachi just because she is married. Learn a thing or two from Onler Kom, Mary Kom’s husband. Google.