Indian single mothers - can't they marry a single man who's been unmarried before?

First off, let me tell you a personal story in lieu with the topic. My cousin sister was a divorcee with 2 kids. She remarried recently and they guy is also a divorcee; he doesn't have kids though.

My cousin sister's story is not an isolated case. Almost every widowed or divorced Indian women who are single mothers, they are not encouraged to remarry mostly because they have kids. Even if they are allowed, grudgingly often, to remarry they will look for mappilai (groom) who is a divorcee himself, widower or an elderly man. The question is why can't a young single man get married to a single mother? Or why can't people who matchmake an Indian woman divorcee consider a young single man as a feasible or possible option? This is even encouraged among conservative Malay race - their single men consider themselves lucky if they get a janda and not an anak dara (recently there was the marriage of a 42 year old Malay woman with 5 kids to an eighteen year old boy/guy) But it's a disgrace if an Indian man does that.

But, if an Indian widower or male divorcee who has kids who is on the lookout to remarry, young, never married before single ladies are suggested. The vice versa is not a veracity.

This is perhaps the Indian obsession with the virginity of girls - kai padathe Rosa (a yet to be deflowered maiden) is all the subtle want an Indian man wants never mind if his virginity has gone out to the sea. This persists even in the case of divorced Indian men or widowers - as much as they can, they look for a young girl who isn't married before and hopefully still virgin. We already wrote on how single, never before married women who are in their 30s and 40s not getting match made of guys in the same age range but much older and often divorced or widower.

Maybe because of age or the extra baggage of kids that single mothers are not considered as an option for single young Indian men. Yet, there are single Indian men who have a wish to marry a widow or divorcee, immaterial of she having kids. I won't call it nobility on behalf of Indian men, it's just a choice just like how some people want to marry handicapped people - my girl friend is one of them. My neighbor akka (sis) married a man who lost a limb. For Malay men, it's because such women are experienced in sex - bertuah dapat janda (lucky to have found a widow/divorced woman)

Ok, now, the point is, it's not mandatory for single mothers to only choose from a pool of unattractive, elderly, divorced and widowed men. Indian society needs to stop categorizing who should marry who, especially for women. If a woman is dark skinned, she is told not to be choosy and expect too much when all she expects is someone compatible. If a woman is divorced or widowed, her options are shriveled down by Indian society - even more so if she has kids. Even if a single young man expresses his choice of marrying a single mother, especially if he's stable, society will go, "Are you bonkers?"

Indian society, your fellow units could do better if you are not so nosy and judgmental. Let people be free to make their choices. Don't do your gratuitous mama vele (marriage broker job). It's not a favour for most of us, rather an unwelcome gesture.

~Pattu Mamee~ #OnlyAtKK