Physical Abuse in the Name of Love

Until now, I can’t understand why many Indian women/girls are willing to put up with physical abuse and justifies them as an act of love. When we first started this page, a reader messaged us saying that her friend has decided to stay with her boyfriend because he has beaten her for attempting to leave him. She said that her friend justified the act by saying he beat her because he loved her. So, if you love someone, you must beat them?

Another more relatable incident is from the movie Sethupathi where the hero will act violently towards his wife and she retorts – Anthe aal vanthu konjum pothe, nan ingge irakanum (if he comes back to pamper me, I must be here) when her mother told her to leave him. It is sad that most Indian wives have been conditioned to accept and tolerate their husbands’ beatings as love. It also points out to why many women don’t even see anything wrong with this scene in that movie. Now, no matter what your mother or grandmother told you, a man who raises his hand to a woman is no man at all. He is a coward asshole who can only show his bravado to women.

Usually, these Indian men will justify their acts by saying ‘enuku urimei illeiya unnaiya adike?”(Don’t I have the right to beat you?) Like WTF? Since when physical beatings of another human being becomes ‘urimei’ (rights?) Whether he is your husband or boyfriend – he has no right to physically hurt you let alone calling that his rights. And he pacifies you later on by buying you flowers or presents to compensate for the beatings.

Dear Indian ladies, lavishing you with presents and gifts after physically beating you ain’t love but plain cruelty. Indian men who do this just don’t have basic respect for a woman. Don’t come and tell us - you have a happier marriage life after tolerating his physical beatings for years. Your grandmother and mother may say – ‘Nangge lam appadi than valthum, konjum-konjum lam prechenai penna kudathu (We all lived that way, don’t create trouble out of small issues’. When a man physically hurts you, it is no longer a small issue. Please be reminded that Indian men who beat or hit their wives will continue doing so each time for various excuses. They don’t stop because they are used to having women as punching bags. Dear Indian women, please lodge police reports and let your family members know if your husband or boyfriend is physically hurting or beating you. It is not okay and don not keep quiet. Keeping quiet only makes the coward Indian men bold and brave in abusing you. You don’t have to tolerate abuse in marriage.