WOMEN – are they really stronger than men?

Yesterday, I posted on the topics which delved on moving on after having love failures. Many men and some women agreed that women can move on quicker because they are stronger. I personally think the word strong is a cliché when it is used to describe a woman and how she handles conflicts.

Let’s take a look at the Indian society and how women are brought up with various rules and regulations. It starts with ‘a pombele pillai …ippadi than irukanum…’ and they expect you to follow heed. This advice will most probably come from other women in the family because they have been brought up the same way. So, a woman is taught from small that she must be humble, polite, quiet and submissive (adakam, udakam, acham, nanam, payarpu) and the whole list of good attitudes. Girls were never allowed to be loud and boisterous like boys. I still remember how I was so pissed off with something and my mum told me to be quiet, she said – enough, a woman should not have that much of anger in her. Like WTF? Why not? Is there such thing as women should not vent out? But, no one told my cousin brother to be quiet when he started throwing tantrums over something. In fact, everyone was trying hard to pacify him and give in to whatever he was asking.

From the start, there was no freedom of expression for women. Only men were allowed to say and act as they wanted. The society never sets defining limits on how a man can express his feelings but went to lengths to limit women’s expressions. So, women were forced to keep everything in their hearts – be it anger, sadness, worry, hatred etc. They were forced to adapt to rational thinking because the social conditioning is as such. Women knew that even if they express their feelings, the society will condemn them for being unwomanly.

If women were given freedom of expression within the Indian society, can you imagine what will happen? They would have written numerous songs expressing love failures and will be drinking in the bars for having to put up with lousy, asshole types of husbands and in laws. Since they were never encouraged to be expressive, they keep everything in their heart and cry alone at night, when no one notices. Does that mean they are strong? Nope, they are helpless and there is no choice but to adapt to social expectations. It is very difficult when your heart and mind does not agree but you have to do the right thing as a woman. For example, she loved a guy; love failed and has to marry a groom that her family approves. Her heart is elsewhere but she marries because society and family expects her to do so. Even this is condemned as – she is so disgusting – manasule oruthane neneichi, inoruthan kude valkai nadathura (she thinks of one man and lives with another man).

When everything about a woman is condemned and slut shamed, she becomes very quiet and just lives her life according to the flow. Just because a woman adapts to life, that doesn’t make her strong. It is just her being rational because that is what is expected out of a woman. To be sensible at all times. No one tells men, - Ivalo kovam oru ann- ku azhagu illei (a man should not have much anger). So, they are free to act insensibly by throwing acid, stalking, raping and murdering others. If the Indian society educated men just like women and limit their freedom of expression, men will be a lot rational too. If the Indian society teaches men from small not be so expressive, then they too will be strong. But this is not the case within our gender biased, patriarchy controlled society.

Finally, men translated women who endure abuse and torture as strong and expect all other women to be able to do so. They come to conclusion that women can move faster because women don’t feel emotional pain so much when in reality women are just not expressive of their pains. The very social conditioning within the society has backfired and serves as the greatest disadvantage to women. Women raise children as single mothers because that is the rational thing to do and that’s what the society expects them.

Women are not strong – they have no freedom of expression within the society which the society wrongly interprets as strength and expects all other women to follow.