Women being their own enemy

Dear KK, thank you for the post on divorcee/single mother..

Very positive indeed!

Please hide my profile and name too as it will create unnecessary problems.

But I wish to share my experience too as a single mother for an eye opener to any women out there who are facing the same thing and not knowing what to do..

It wasn't my choice to be a single mother/divorcee either..

However, it was unexpected incidents ever changed my life today..

I'm a survivor of domestic violence of my own ex husband and his family members..

Actually he was a good man initially and it was an arrange marriage.

However, his mum old minded women who intervened in every matters among us including an husband and wife intimacy.. 

He was a deaf ear whenever I approached him n talked because he trusted his mum more than anything else. Even whatever spoken to him at night in the bedroom, the next day it will goes to his mother..

I was struggling in that life as being beaten if against them and  everything was under their control, my phone, my cash n I should not tell a word to my friends or family..

I was pregnant but still being tortured like a maid and even made me starved. 

My parents always the one try to put us together but his family with an ego of 'mapilai vidu'(bridegroom) always step on 'ponnu vidu'(bride).

They never ever listened to my side but his mum played double face just to separate us. She even challenged me to do it..

I tried to tell him but he never believe me n all in vain when he slapped me  and asked my parents to pick me.. I was abandoned in 7th mth of pregnancy n never come to visit me..

My parents took care of me day and night as I had some complications..

My parents n I kept believing once baby born he will change.. Some said baby is a new change for a couple.. My father informed him during my labour pain and he did came. He witnessed my labour but still left me at the hospital once his mum asked him to leave me when I refused to follow them.. I can't be trusting and get into hell too soon as he n his mum disrespectful to my parents till ask for divorce many times..

I made my points clear to him, I'll raise up my child and let the healing process n create understanding between us but he disagreed.

So he came created big havoc at my parents house when my child was just 1month plus, he beaten me in front of everyone for not following him... 

And his mum claimed to my parents that a husband has all rights to beat wife..

I couldn't tell by words how traumarised I was..

As I had all solid evidence, l get justice at the court..

He was punished in prison and I get my divorce fast due to the domestic violence.. 

Now, everyone in his family members blamed me by telling I have destroyed his life as he is jobless now..

My question is when no one else stopped during the violence, then why should they blame me for breaking my silence through law.. I wanted my child grow up in a healthy environment although without a father, I'm willing to face as I know it's the best decision I've done for the sake of my child's future..

To anyone in my situation, please never let them make us as weaker gender just because we have been divorced and already had a child, we should be shameful to face this society.. Today's world no one is going to feed when my child is crying for milk.. not even the father spent a cent since born and only carried few times in the fight.. I'm proudly attending all the events with my child and just smiled  to those mouths which uttered hurtful words.. So what I'm telling is, when the violence is on u, it may also to ur child in future.. A man who loves his child will never disrespect or violent to the mother of the child. Stop the violence by speak out and take legal action so that when the person remarry someone else, won't do it again..

Thank you so much for reading this long write up..

I wish every single mum/divorcee to stay strong and brave facing obstacles.. We are the survivors, not a victim.

It's so sad that a woman is being another woman's enemy. It all stems from the ingrained belief that a son is the lifeline to a mother and his wife is the separative agent coming to snatch him away. Unless this scenario is changed, stories like this is going to continue. Babe, you're strong. And you will flourish.