Thali - why it's not a thing in this day and age

So, we got people asking us, “Thali ungala enna pannuchu?” (What did thali – wedding chain do to you?). Also, guys coming to the absolutely unfounded conclusion that if women don’t wear thali, women will be equal to men, which isn’t our point at all. Our point is that thali puts a woman on a godly pedestal and then dehumanises her when her husband dies. Women have been accepting of this for far too long without questioning which is why I appoint myself as the questioner and the solvent as well.

Thali did a lot to affect me. My cousin sis’ husband died and she was widowed at 30+ - she didn’t remarry because she has 4 kids and she wasn’t certain whether remarriage would be good for her kids. It pains me when she is sidelined at auspicious functions – she’s a sweet, innocent lady who never intends harm on anyone. Yet, just because she has no husband = no thali, she is made be unfit to bless anyone and worst, the ones who perpetuate this discrimination are women themselves, most of who are my family members. The vilest women I know get to involve in auspices just because they have thali and the kindest women I know don’t just because their thali didn’t last their lifetime. I want to ask you, is this fair?  

At one house warming event, 12 married women were exalted as goddess Mahalakshmi – and wearing thali was compulsory along with flowers, bangles, to look mangalagaram. The women got to bless the house owners. The widows were told by the priest to stay away from the activity. And, you want us to glorify an emblem that overvalues then devalues women by the virtue of something totally beyond their control, something that implies that their worth is dependent on how long their husband lives? And what the f does mangalagaram mean? Why do you need women to appear in certain way to establish their marital status and place their worth in association with the presence/absence of husband? Why can’t women’s worth be independent and not reliant on the presence/absence of husband?

I had a guy telling me that Hinduism celebrates women – only women are given the privilege to do auspicious rituals and render blessings it seems. When I asked him if widows can do all that, he avoided that question and told me to compare the treatment of women in other religions, and then come to Hinduism - citing Hinduism gives more freedom to women. Dei, just because other religions have it worse, it doesn’t make Hinduism the best. Also, religions are a bad subject to derive the concept of gender equality and women’s rights. WE CAN DO BETTER. 

And you say thali is beneficial and scientific coz it has turmeric on it. Turmeric is beneficial and scientific, not thali. And you know what? According to our culture, turmeric is off limits for widows – they are forbidden from using the herb. Why the eff really?? Why are widows denied the benefits of turmeric? They can use sandalwood though – but why not turmeric? Are thali and the discriminations that come with it worth practicing and protecting?

If thali isn’t made into a thing that decides the value of a woman, a woman’s value would remain the same, married or widowed. All you need to bless other people is a good heart, not a husband who’s alive and not nearly kicking. And, the blessing bestowing person can be anyone who is kind at heart, wanting the best for everyone, not only women who are married!