Dear Indian Men, Intimacy Matters

Indians pride themselves on having the longest marriage durations with couples staying forever until they were separated in death. Unfortunately, behind this false pride – there is much-unspoken pain and frustration in the Indian women. 

I have recently read the confession made on Infosys MCity page on that girl who posted that her husband only uses her for sex and nothing much. Huge disappointment to see Indian guys in the comment section totally dismissing her feelings, some even saying it is shameful to post such things while others were downplaying her reaction. Worst – Indian guys were normalizing the incident saying – it will get better as time passes. 

See – marriage life is not just about sex and having babies. That girl was voicing out that she wants some intimacy – hugs, kisses etc which does not involve sex. This is a valid request and expectation by any woman – to be held intimately or touched or caressed by their partners. I can use many different words here to describe but it will be like communicating with aliens. When it comes to intimacy – most Indian guys behave like aliens who have just met humans. They just don’t care for the expression of feelings, intimacy etc.

For the benefit of everyone who doesn’t think the girl’s frustration is even worth reading – a girl wants her man to playfully hug, just spend some time cuddling while talking about random things. It adds to the closeness between the partners. Having someone running their fingers on your body, telling you sweet nothings….those are tiny gestures that bring couples closer. These are just some examples of how women expect intimacy outside sex.

Sad for us, many Indian guys don’t get this concept even in 2021. I am sure this girl has just voiced out what many Indian women have been feeling for generations. And as usual, her frustrations were dismissed just like how Indian men will dismiss a woman’s opinions and emotions in any other aspect. 

You see sex, babies, money, house are meaningless when the emotional needs are not addressed. That is why that girl was feeling disgusted and felt that she was being used for sex alone. Having sex with your wife when you feel the itch alone does not give happiness to your partner if you lack emotional connections. 

If you talk with your grandmothers and mothers on the whole intimacy part of marriage, they will have similar stories on how they just have to put up with sex minus intimacy. They don’t voice out because it will be perceived as demanding since Indian guys are already ‘sooru poduren’ for them. You can also hear elders talking – he is a good husband, why are you complaining of small things? Again – dismissing a woman’s needs and desires.

Let’s learn to acknowledge women’s emotional needs even if it is in an FB post. No, it is not shameful. It is an issue that we should talk about without shame. What’s the point of living together for 40 – 50 years in marriage yet your partner lacks emotional connections?

Side note – I can’t believe we need to spell it out to Indian men when it comes to intimacy outside sex. They are still are cavemen level.