Jacinda Ardern, New Zealand's PM gave birth - here are lessons for Indians

While India got ranked as the most dangerous country for women, a lot of feminist action was going on in New Zealand at the topmost level - Jacinda Ardern, NZ's Prime Minister had a baby girl. She and her partner Clarke Gayford are unmarried. Clarke is the one who is going to handle his daughter and home while she handles the country. NZ deputy PM, Winston Peters is the acting PM while Jacinda is on maternity leave. However, she made a promulgation that she will be available.

Now, let that sink in for a moment.

I have so much to say about how this can expunge India off the top 10 most unsafe countries for women. If only Indians can be not so hung up on culture, ageism and stereotyped roles.

I'll list out:

- Men supporting women, acknowledging the talents of women and not get insecure when a woman does better than them.
Clarke Grayson is a fisherman. Though Jacinda didn't marry him, they've been together for 4 years and even took the plunge to have a kid. That requires a lot of understanding and security on Clarke's behalf. Many Indian men complain that women are demanding too much when looking for a husband - car, fat bank balance, 3BHK house. They even term it the dowry women take and liken it to alimony. I want to ask, how many of you Indian men can take an Indian woman making more than you, is educated more than you, taller than you, older than you as a wife? No need wife, a lady boss? Our films, Mannan and VIP2 had taught us a lot haven't they - "Pombala nee enna soldrathu, ambala naa enna kekrathu?" Educated and financially strong women are portrayed as arrogant and it's the hero's job to subdue them. But, if you look at Jacinda and Clarke, they are on equal terms - he advises her when she's screwing up and vice versa. That's relationship. When women are allowed to flourish in the public sphere, hold big jobs, they don't mind marrying a lumberjack even. That's not a reality here but let's travel towards that kind of equilibrium. There's a Shania Twain song that goes like, "So, you're a rocket scientist. That don't impress me much. Don't get me wrong but I think you're alright but that won't keep me warm in a long, cold, lonely night."

Successful women already got the monies - they look for something else in men. But, that doesn't mean you can be lazy loafers Indian men, with your job being stalking the girl you like and think women will like you. Do any job, have confidence, cultivate an open mind about women and stay motivated. The girls will take notice. Importantly, make a way for women to be greatly independent - that's the rule of thumb here. I personally am an ardent fan of the Buzzfeed Try Guys and I specifically love Zach Kornfeld, the smallest and weakest of the Try Guys bunch.



- Men being homemakers
Indian men spend an average of 19 minutes doing housework. No, it's not that the guys don't know how to do housework. When they study/work away from home, they learned and do housework - even garnish the dishes they made and post on Instagram. Once they get married, they relegate housework to the wife even though the wife works. They simply don't think that they need to take responsibility around the house. And, when suggested they should, the people who say so get the label feminazi/fake feminist because apparently it's suggesting that women needn't do housework. Even our Indian women frown upon men doing housework - this is further reinforced by our movies and mega serials. Clarke is also a fisherman. This is the ideal - when either spouse chooses to be stay home mom/dad, they should have a source of income.

- Not be ageists and think that women's primary role is being a child bearing vessel
Once Indian women are married/over 30, they are called aunty not as a mark of respect but as insult. The trend is especially evident in cinema and lately has seeped into real life. Men don't get the same deal. Jacinda is 37 and baby Neve is her first child. When I said that the ideal age for Indian women to marry is after 28 (so that they can get a financial standing and not demand a loaded husband), it infuriated an Indian guy. He raged about the complications that arise when women give birth after 25. I am like, is marriage only for women to pop babies out? What about companionship, support system and love? Also, women have other purposes, not only bearing children. With the advancement of medicine, older women are having healthy babies - 28 - 35 isn't too old actually. And. I'm so surprised that you don't speak against endogamy, a marriage system within the family conducted by Tamil people to preserve caste purity. Children from these unions are more likely be born with congenital defects and genetic diseases. But speak about women to have a firm footing in life before getting hitched which is impossible for anyone to achieve by 25 and you can't take it because it 'affects posterity'.

Sexual harassment stem from how women are perceived within a microcosm of culture. And, in Indian culture, women aren't viewed as equal humans generally. This is the grassroot level that needs addressal and Jacinda Ardern can serve as an example on things we need to change as a society and country.

So, please, instead of comparing with Afghanistan and Syria to have an ego boost, accept the rank and take affirmative action to get out of the list in the next poll. Nothing's going to change if we only compare with countries worse off than us. It's also important that we don't be so dismissive of western culture - especially when it's in line with equality, science and human rights. I accept that this poll is kinda feeding the west's sordid perception of India, maybe even driven by stomach burn at India's space ventures. But we have to accept that we need to do better when it comes to women or humans for that matter and I mean the caste system.